Truth and Consequences, nm

What I've learned this year so far:

Plot is inseparable from structure.

Structure gives a story momentum.

Momentum and plot allow/create an interesting, inevitable, satisfying resolution.

But concentrating too much on structure, plot, and pre-planning can suck out a piece's life.

So: Structure/Plot/Outlining is necessary, but dangerous.

I've decided lately to put novel writing on the back-burner and concentrate on short stories-- they were most of my focus in college, but I haven't written any since.

Short stories had: verve, energy, voice, playfulness.  

They did not have: structure, momentum, satisfying resolutions.

My current work is the opposite.  

I think my problem is authenticity.  In an effort to write "correctly" I haven't trusted my instincts enough... so I've been on a sort of hiatus, and using a private diary to open myself back up.  I felt that a public blog was only helping my emotional crippling/cramping.  I feel more in touch with myself and my needs and my views now, than I have for two years-- I feel free.

But I haven't only opened up to myself-- I've had a close confidant over the last few months.  As I said to him (for me, for now) writing requires a certain amount of loneliness.  If I can communicate all I want to by hanging out and talking to my friends, why put myself through the financially inconvenient and ego-bruising ringer?  What if I can either feel connected to the people in my life, or connected to my writing?  But as I've unclenched, I've realized that even though he's always willing to *listen*, I can't always say what I mean without fiction.  

Turns out, I've been training myself to be a hack, and 1. I'm not technically proficient enough to be one 2. what's the point of that?  

My ultimate goal right now is to put myself and my truth into my work as bravely and completely as possible.   I'm still trying to strengthen my work by using what I now know about structure and planning and the mechanics of a strong story.  I'm still trying to use my analytical abilities in my writing.  But mostly, I'm trying to find authenticity-- the place between what happens and how it feels.