Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Occupation: God

UPDATE: Nathan later scrubbed the word "hobby," because of outcry in the comments.  He writes, "I only meant the word 'hobby' as in something that one does that is not one's career, not as something trivial."

But Nathan, writing *is* my career.  Maybe my ventures will fail and I'll have a very, very quiet career-- and yes, that thought is frightening.  But regardless of who signs my paycheck, writing is my *real* work! 

Nathan Bransford put up an interesting post yesterday about "Writing as Identity."

He said that writing's a hobby.  Sane, sensible people do it because it's "fun."  The people who let the world know THEY ARE WRITERS! are crazies.

Usually, I love his blog-- it's informative while being supportive and unpretentious, and he can be extremely insightful.

HOWEVER, I found this post condescending as hell.

I call myself a writer for many reasons, and writing means a lot of things for me-- the most important of which is definitely not "fun."

1.  Definitions and labels don't exist in a vaccuum.  The point of labeling yourself anything (mother, writer, project manager, whatever) is to give a quick and dirty sketch of the context in which you want your audience to see you.

So, if I'm introduced to someone at a family reunion, I say "I'm so-and-so's daughter/mother/aunt/sister/cousin." Because *that* is the view of myself that provides the best context in that situation.

If I'm talking to people about what I do to pay the bills, I tell them I'm a [day job].

But if I'm talking to people about how I think, how I view the world, what my *career* (as opposed to job) goals are, then yes, I tell them I'm a writer.

Because I see writing as my career, and as an ambitious, career-oriented person, writing is thus the lens through which I view the world.  In many ways, the details of my life wouldn't make sense if I didn't let someone know that I'd chosen those paths in order to further my writing career.

2.  My writing is more than a hobby for *practical reasons*

I actually *tried* to keep writing as a hobby, something I did on the side, and for fun.  Yes, many writers-- even booker prize winners!-- are able to work 9-5, keep up an active social life, *and* write to their full potential.  But I can't.

And once I realized I couldn't have all those things at once, I had to re-evaluate my priorities.  For me, writing came out on top.  That doesn't mean I don't pay the bills, and it doesn't mean I abandoned my friends.  It *does* mean that I rearranged my life so that writing is at the center of it-- where (for me, at this point in my life) a career *should* go.  

That meant that I had to move to a cheaper place, even though it meant living in a basement in a new state.  I had to find more flexible work, even though it meant I made less money and got no insurance.  I had to enforce boundaries with my friends and family, knowing they didn't really understand.  

And instead of the immediate gratification of a paycheck or a ton of fun time with my friends, I got to sit alone in my apartment, learning to write by trial and error.

BUT, it was the best decision for me-- the only decision for me.  Since I've decided that writing comes first, I've been happier, more fulfilled, and more *myself* than ever-- even though every practical aspect of my life has gotten tougher.

3.  Writing *can* be fun.  But I don't write *for fun*.

Writing is challenging, involving, rewarding, satisfying.  Creating fascinating, authentic-feeling and cohesive worlds is *incredibly* difficult-- though it can also be exhilarating, fun.  I think some people *are* called to certain jobs-- and not just creative ones.  People are called to be priests, to be engineers, to be parents, to be doctors.  

Being "called" sounds so mythical, but I think it's just about knowing when something is *right.*  It's like finding "the one" in love-- you've got to be open, and you've got to be in the right place at the right time, and you don't get to skip the intros or courtship.  Finding your calling doesn't mean you'll be naturally gifted or that you can skip the work-- but it does mean that you're certain the work is worth it.  

I was lucky-- I found my calling early.  I was unlucky-- it's writing.  

In some ways, rearranging your life around a calling is like rearranging your life around your children-- would you think someone was crazy or strange if they moved to a less comfortable but more child-friendly place, took a less lucrative but more child-friendly job, and limited their social life to what was supportable in light of their child-rearing responsibilities?  Of course not, because that's a totally normal, healthy thing, *regardless* of how the child "turns out."  A parent's priority is their child, and once you know about the child, everything makes sense.  Including the fact that they don't view their child-rearing as a "hobby," and that "fun" and financial rewards aren't the point.  

Without writing, would I be me?  In many ways, to many people, there would be no difference.  But would I be fulfilled?  Definitely not.  No, I wouldn't actually shrivel up and die-- but that's what it would (did!) feel like inside; when I tried to close off the part of myself that needs to write, life felt empty and so did I.

Yes, I struggled for a long time over calling myself a writer, and I don't assume all people need or want to know that tidbit about me.  However, calling myself a writer has nothing to do with whether I've made money at it (some, not much), whether *other* people consider me a writer (who counts?), or how "good" I am at the craft (how good is good enough?  and how can anyone tell?).  

I call myself a writer because it gives my friends and family insight into how I run my life, the choices I make, the needs I have, and how I approach the world.  I call myself a writer because most of the time, that's the shorthand, the label, that fits me best.

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