Bleak Condominium (Nip/Tuck Spoilers)

Wow, Nip/Tuck last night was a sucker-punch. Here's a quick summary:

A/B: Christian owes the IRS $400,000, plus more on credit card bills. He asks Sean to take out an equity loan on the business, but Sean refuses. He tells Christian he'll spot him the money for now--they're family, after all. Christian is touched.

A: But then Sean's long lost meth-head brother comes back from beyond the grave. He needs money and plastic surgery, but he's ready to open up a whitling shop and go clean. Sean gives Christian's loan to his brother, instead. Christian seethes.

B: A father and his (adopted, teenage) son come to the practice. They want Christian to make the son look more like his father.

A: Christian refuses to let the brother (Brendan) stay at the apartment he shares with Sean. He keeps pushing Brendan--screaming at him, etc, until both Brendan and Sean are angry at Christian. Sean says he'll move out of Christian's place and get a new apartment with his brother.

B: In recovery, the son asks the father to go surfing, but the father doesn't have time. Christian offers to take him out. Turns out the father's an international banker. Could he help Christian out in return?

A: Things of Christian's keep going missing: his gold watch, etc. He accuses Brendan, and it seems as though Brendan's the only one with opportunity. Is Christian winning? No--when he comes home next, there's a noseless cokehead hanging out...he's Brendan's best friend, who Sean has agreed to fix, for free. Christian blows up. Brendan asks him what's in it for Sean, being Christian's friend? There's not really an answer.

B: Christian takes the kid out surfing, but when they come back the kid starts weeping. Turns out, his father uses him as a prop in sex parties. Christian, who apparently had the same kind of childhood (!) is aghast.

A: Sean fixes the cokehead, but within the day, he catches the guy snorting...with Brendan (sober?) right next to him. Goodbye and good riddance, Sean says to his brother.
B: He roughs the dad up, and demands $400,000 in blackmail.

A: That night, Sean meets his brother outside his house, and they forgive each other. But when they go inside, Christian's waiting. Brendan has stolen his diamond cufflinks! Christian calls the police, and Sean takes his side. He kicks Brendan out.

B: But Christian gives the kid the $400,000. Go make your own family, he tells him. Family should be the people who take care of you, not abuse you.

A/B: Seems all ends well for Christian, right? Silently, he has a cigar and cognac on the deck while Sean chatters happily behind him. But in montage, we then see:
Christian selling his own diamond cufflinks and watch.
Christian take out a loan on the business, in Sean’s name.

Christian shares his cigar with Sean, and pats him on the back. Family, right?

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So, technically I think the A story was Brandon v. Christian, the B story was Christian and the sex kid, and the C story was the $400,000. Interestingly, the ads for this episode were all about the money--they made it look very light and "topical."

But it was so complex! The whole time, we're waiting for Christian to save Sean--he even says at one point that being Sean's protector is his job! And when he gives the kid the money, it's a great moment because we see Christian as an older version of that kid--a version that has made it.

It's only at the end of the episode that we see he's actually a different version of the *father*.

And this is mid-season of the show's LAST SEASON. THIS is what they want to go out on. Wow, wow, wow. I'll probably have more on this later, but right now I'm blown away by this episode's elegance and emotional punch.

S: I was here. K: How do you know? *cue creepy music* S: Because I remember

That was the exchange that officially ended my time as a Heroes viewer.  

Ok, that's a lie because I have a Heroes spec that I need to keep fairly current.  (I know, I know- Heroes is a terrible show to spec because it's serialized and on the bubble.  But it's hard to find a show with a lot of fighting, and it's the only show in which people can use their mind control powers or their flying or super-freeze or whatever during that fighting.  Plus, like I wrote yesterday, I think Sylar could be a cool character.)  

But since when is memory a superpower?  And none of the plot-lines make sense!  Whatever, I'm not going to vent about it now.  But if any of you have stuck with Heroes, please feel free to do the venting for me :)

Anyway, tonight's the Nip/Tuck in which Christian decides to be a vampire.  Yes.  Seriously.  Or, at least that's how it looked on the pro-mo.  But those guys know what they're doing- I'm going to watch, for sure.

And, I NEEEEEED to get caught up on Gossip Girl.  At first I didn't watch because I'm not into those 90210 shows- just not my thing.  But I've caught a few by accident, and they're REALLY good (and more like a hard-hitting Nip/Tuck than 90210 anyway).  So good that last night, I watched the re-run, even though that was one of the three episodes I'd seen before.

Reasons to love Gossip Girl:

1.  Emotions make sense.  Nobody does anything without a good reason.  People try to be good.  But when they need to protect themselves or feel hurt, they lash out.  

2.  It takes place in an alternate reality in which a kid can both sign adoption papers and have a cocktail at the opera- at the same time.  Though, to be fair, I wouldn't card Chuck Bass, either.

3.  The scenes are exactly the right length.  Which sounds stupid- but is VERY difficult to get right.  The scenes move quickly, without feeling like it gives anyone the short shrift.  They throw the right characters together at the right moments (a lot of shows, ie Lost and Heroes, make HUGE problems for themselves because they don't bring characters together so we can see their reactions to the things happening around them.  The reaction is just as important as the action!  When we can't witness reactions, it creates a disconnect between the characters and the audience, and the characters and each other.  

And the scenes multi-task.  For example- in last night's episode, Blaire gets a phone call and decides she has to apologize to a teacher RIGHT THEN, so she leaves the opera hall right before the show gets started.  The next scene is with Chuck at the hall's bar.  His scene gets started, and a few seconds in, we see Blaire run past in the background.  So, we know what's happening with Blaire and what's happening with Chuck, and where everyone is physically- but in the most elegant, efficient possible way.  

The show is very well paced all-together, which I love because I'm a twitchy, restless person who yells at the T.V. and wonders off and etc.  

4.  And, obviously, everything looks great- the cast, the clothes, the photography.

The Wind Beneath My...ahem....Wings

Nip/Tuck is the best show on Earth.

FINALLY, they are A+ on track with their characters:

Christian is constantly getting dumped on, but is stoic about it.

Sean is an infantile lame-ass.

Julia's MIA.

Liz is grounded and loyal.

And we've got the fun stuff: Christian's missing breast!  Sean's fake paralysis!  A thieving hooker from Craigslist!  Who beats up a cancer patient!  A bad-hair and neckerchief wearing duo!  With gender confusion! (Nip/Tuck's bread and butter).

Now they only have to introduce the most over-the-top storyline in the world for Matt (any suggestions?), and throw Christian and Kimber together for some sparks, and they'll have the best show ever created.  

And yes, I include Buffy and Angel in that.  :)

Side Note: WHY is this the end of the fifth season?  It feels like a new season, and the first two-thirds of season 5 aired a year ago.  Does anyone know the technical reason for this?  I'm sure it's something boring and financial, but I also know they have an end-date set up for Nip/Tuck and I'm wondering if the "Season 5" label is an attempt to get around that.  Can only hope, anyway- this show seems to have found a second wind.  

A big, fat p*ssy, just waiting to be f*cked

Did anybody see Nip/Tuck tonight?

I love when they push Christian ever more into womanhood.  Breast cancer?!  It was great that Christian told everyone it was specifically *breast* cancer, too.  This storyline is nearly as good as the days when he was eating lo-cal cottage cheese, pining for Sean, and wishing for chocolate cake.  I guess it's always fun to watch poor little beautiful Christian be sad.  *Sigh* This is really making me wish (yet again) that they hadn't dumped the "Christian's got a crush on Sean" thing from a couple seasons back- Sean and Christian are the most realistic and compelling couple on T.V.  Even though Sean's an a**.

Though, thank GOD he (ok, well, the writers anyway) got rid of Colleen.  She was at the top of her game when she turned that other agent into a teddy bear- now that was creepy!- but ever since she's become kind of ho-hum.  My favorite shot in the whole show was when she put her lipstick on using her reflection in the knife.  Now THAT is the kind of tacky but apropos shot I tune in for! 

Unlike Sean and Colleen, though, I liked Liz tonight- for ONCE.  She's always so stuffy, but tonight she was so sweet (even if she didn't hug Christian when he obviously needed it) I couldn't help but like her.  I guess now that the actress has lost a ton of weight, they're gonna give her more screen time, and make her Christian's female pal, instead of Julia.  

Because tonight Julia was nowhere to be seen- another thank GOD!  SOOOOO sick of her and her tired eyes.

Matt was his normal super ready to help self, stuck in tawdry storylines.  I don't know about pre-med, though.... he seems more like the patient-centered nurse type to me.  But guess it doesn't matter.  And BTW, wish they hadn't dumped the half-sister.  It's not like their "incest" was that big of a deal anyway- there are fertility clinics to catch any genetic diseases, anyway.

Though, even if it meant she had to get back together with Matt, I do wish there were more Kimber.  Eh, actually maybe not, because I don't just want (meth addled, etc) Kimber around, I want more *HOT* Kimber.  Kimber from back in the days when she and Christian were having angry, meaningful but ostensibly meaning*less* sex.  Otherwise known as that character's heyday.

Speaking of Kimber/things that suck: I hate the "Sean's a cripple!" thing!  1. I have a friend in a wheelchair, and no one ever randomly asks to push her- nor does she have (heavy) handles on a chair she mostly moves around by her own muscle, because that would be silly.  2.  Obviously the writers are just doing it until they can show a little paralytic sex, and then they'll move on.  Which is boring in its obviousness.  Since we know Sean won't be a gimp forever, why make him one for now?  They already did this kind of thing with Christian and the amputee, anyway.  Plus, Sean's a moper.  It's fun to see Christian sad/stoic, and Sean happy/arrogant.  Haven't the writers learned that by now?!

Recap to come tomorrow.  Tonight was the viewing party :)