You're my hero, Brian Fuller!

Heroes is fixed!

--the heroes use their powers to further their *personal* goals. Ie, Sylar is lonely, so he uses his shape-shifting to morph into his mother for company and love.

--the powers have a price! Ie, Hiro's nosebleed of doom after too much time-stoppage

I don't know if that's really because of Brian Fuller-- but I do know the writing has improved by leaps and bounds. YAY!

Eyes on the Prize(s?)

One of my friends finished a huge project last week, and now he gets to present it to a whole mess of people in HAWAII.

Meanwhile, I spend all my time working, yet not only am not invited to Hawaii, but don't even have anything to present to *any* mess of people.

I asked him what his secret was, and he said: focus.

I said-- but I *do* focus! It's all I do! I go into dreamland and focus the living f*ck out of whatever I'm working on.

He said-- I don't mean focus on the task at hand, I mean prioritize and only have one goal at a time. Work until you meet *that* goal, and only *then* try for the next.

Hmmmmm.

Ok, so I'm trying that. And it's working! Maybe covering all the bases really does mean you can't cover any.

So I wrote an article for another friend-- the one with the awesome website. That's all I did- my day job, and that article. As of today, it's done! And on the website! And as a "feature"! And, when I reread it, I discovered that it's actually pretty good!

My new priority (my only priority until it's done!) is my television spec. And even though I've only focused on it for a few hours, while at my day job no less, I'm suddenly making headway. It's the attitude, I guess: when I'm only allowed to think about the one thing, my head clears and new ideas come.

So thank you lucky, vacationing friend. Maybe one day, I'll get to Hawaii, too.

My Work Philosphy in a Nutshell:

I get my best ideas in the shower.

So I shower three times a day.

(bang bang) My Baby Shot Me Down

Anybody else see Gossip Girl last night?

Anybody else worried Chuck's going to kill himself?

"I won't be around"?!

Ok, maybe I'm surrounded by especially unstable/dramatic people, but if somebody was getting wasted alone in his room, and came out to say he's thinking of disappearing....

WHERE IS ERIC? I thought the dude was actually friends with Chuck, AND he tried to kill himself (why, btw?!) *last year*. Jenny, you know all that-- could you call him, please?

Jeez, I actually find Ed Westwick a really subtle actor. I KNOW! The guy who plays CHUCK?! you ask?

But I was really impressed last night with how he played a drunk person. Like, a seriously sh*tfaced person. He didn't make Chuck look like a fool, just like someone who had been drinking *way* too much. And I would be happy if they would finally acknowedge that he's an alcoholic.

When I first started watching the show, I didn't really think about his drinking. I'm half French, I like my alcohol, I thought it was normal. But eventually, I realized that the character is drinking hard liquor in nearly every scene. AND, his character actually makes TONS of sense if you read him as drunk *all the time*.

That weird voice thing, for one. Moving too slowly. Looking at people too intently. Over-reacting to everything, but in a totally nonsensicle way.

And, as a guy who recently filmed a YouTube PSA about alcholism on Gossip Girl said, the way everyone discribes him as "eccentric."

So yeah, Chuck's obviously a huge mess, and I've found the last few episodes really disturbing because of it. I literally find it difficult to watch his scenes-- does anybody else feel that way? I know, I know-- just a self-pitying poor little rich boy character.

But ironically, I find that Chuck's a gentleman for the most part (started feeling this way when he was *SO* nice/polite to Lily/Mrs. Bass, and I also like that he brings gifts to people's houses when he visits them. Well-raised, as my mother would say). He's always ready to help his friends, and doesn't say/do anything when they walk all over him later.

Serena, why do you expect Chuck to support you when you're running from the law/Georgiana, but talk to him like he's a piece of crap? She's the one who got him kicked out of the Bass/Van Der Woodson suite, remember-- and didn't get him back in when it turned out he was innocent! And yeah, he's done her wrong (in the pilot, when he's a *total* freak), but she obviously trusted him later, because she ran to him when she got into trouble.

Blaire, are you seriously an idiot? There is *NO* way Nate would ever be supportive of you or help you get out of the slightest mistake. His dad maxed out Nate's family loyalty card last season, and besides-- you'll never be family. On the other hand, you don't even have to ask Chuck to help you-- he's the one that swooped in when even Serena didn't want to deal with your mini-meltdown.

Lily, why were you so pressed to get Chuck in the apartment if you thought it was fine to leave him to his own devices? I understand why he doesn't think he can trust you! I wouldn't trust your Bart-dumping ass any further than last week. And now you're inviting the Humphrey clan to live in Chuck's hotel? Seriously? Could you get it together until the seniors leave for college, at least? Could you *please* plan a mother-son day with him? He would eat it up with a spoon! Actually, you should plan a day with him where he shows you/helps you how to do something he knows better than you do-- though I don't know what that is. Or, everyone could take a vacation-- Serena wants it, you and Rufus want it, Chuck needs it, and Jenny could stay home if she's freaked/too intense as usual. Whatever, you said you would be a mother to him, he obviously cares about that (raged against you after his dad died, saved you from his uncle, asked to come live with you-- why do you think he *asked* by the way? He *wants* to be around you), and then you drop the ball. UUUUGH.

Nate- whatever. You're so obviously the most self-centered person on Earth. I don't care what your reasoning was for ditching Chuck in the middle of his sodden pity-party, or your reasoning for running to Blaire-- you're the most emotionally unavailable person on Earth. Your relationship to Chuck is *such* a dysfunctional high school romance. He's pining away for you, and you don't give a sh*t, just ditch him for your (girl)friends. I totally get how you missed your father's addiction for so long, btw.

Anyway, it's like now that he's not actually passed out in Thailand and his father's been dead for a whole two months or whatever-- everyone's just *over* him... which is a problem b/c instead of calling them on it and asking for attention, he just gets upset and goes silent and drinks. Which I get, because I, too, am a big fan of the "bottling up" method of anger management. But it is SERIOUSLY difficult for me to watch.

Anybody else?

Fast Pitch

The Bethesda Literary Festival was this week, and I competed in "Bethesda Idol," a kind of American Idol for writing samples. It was a disaster.

Writing samples consisted of:
1. Cover page with word count, genre, title, and a 1-3 sentence "log line"
2. Query letter
3. Manuscript's first three pages

Three agents were the "judges"-- but did they read the manuscript pages? No. Did they read the query letters? No. Did they even *look* at the samples? No.

A reader stood at a lecturn and read off each cover page. Sometimes, the reader wouldn't even get through the genre before the agents said, "next!" About fifty people entered-- the agents said they'd read seven of the samples past the cover page.

So of course, there were forty-five pissed people in that room-- though not for long. People were streaming out as the agents passed or panned based on reasoning like: the logline mentions Africa-- I love Africa! Yes!

One of the agents called people out as they left, begging them to stay. But honestly, why would they?

Even going through the cover pages took about an hour... during which the audience slowly dwindled and after which all but a quarter of the audience left. Then, the reader read a couple manuscript pages out loud and the audience voted on their favorite.

Everyone seemed disgruntled. The log-lines were all *remarkably* similar. Fully half were about vaguely dissatisfied married women during their mid-life crisis. If anything was the *least* bit unique, the audience responded-- with nervous laughter, gasping, whatever-- and the agents read that as derision and would through the sample in the "no" pile.

The manuscript pages were *remarkably* mediocre, and all had obvious flaws in their craftsmanship (ie, the story would open with a dialogue, but between every line the author would interject a paragraph of discription, so the conversation was impossible to follow). I guess it's to be expected that the writing samples were random and ordinary since they were picked so randomly-- without even the query letters giving a glimpse of the author's writing.

I was shocked, and left with a bad taste-- something the rest of the audience seemed to share. Jeez, even the agents looked bewildered and unhappy when it ended.

The way the agents approached their "judging" was disheartening, but I did learn some things: I'd discribed my story as a "medical thriller" but hearing peoples' responses, I think it's actually "action/adventure." My query letter/log-line language was dramatic and vivid-- but it came off as overblown to the agents. Ok, maybe I should try and turn it down... ironically, the writing in my manuscript is spare, so crisper writing in the query is a better match.

But I learned some things that were more disheartening: everytime I show up someplace, I think my stuff is going to be like everyone else's, that we're all responding to the same things, that our stuff will be comparable. But every freaking time, my stuff is *COMPLETELY* different from everyone else's.

Different as in: no one else even had an action story. No one else had any obvious fighting in their story at all! No one else had anything to do with infection. No one even had anything zombie-esque, which I'd worried was too *trendy*. The basic building blocks of my story weren't echoed in *anybody* else's, let alone the specifics.

I know who I am: in grade school, we watched this movie about an Indian (India- Indian) American girl celebrating Thanksgiving with her class. For homework, all the kids have to make little Pilgram and Indian dolls. But before she can finish hers, the little Indian girl falls asleep and lets her mother finish hers for her. When she gets to school, she sees all the other kids with their Native American and Pilgram assignments, and she pulls out hers-- which is dressed in a sari. I'm always that f*cking girl with the sari-dressed doll.

Which my friends assure me just means I'm creative. Great. So creative, I've creative-d myself out of the f*cking market. Not that anything has changed: what can I do? I have the taste and sensibility I've got, and my stories reflect that. But, I'll have to be very careful in the agents I chose to query. AND, I've officially lost my delusion that the writing is what counts-- that good writing will get you read.

Oh well. But i have decided to change a couple things in light of my new pessimism.

1. I've got to do some short pieces and get some readership, aka validation. One of my friends is helping with this, by publishing my essays on his (awesome) magazine/blog/website.

2. I've got to press further on my manuscript. I've been working on the same (begining) portion for *much* too long, and been much too complacent about how I structure it. I've been breaking "rules" in the order I present characters (less important characters are introduced early, much more important characters introduced late), etc. It's a tougher, rougher world than I thought, and I'm going to follow the rules that might serve the story.

3. I've *GOT* to buckle down with my television spec, which I've been avoiding like a fish avoiding prarie. The problem is: every time I watch the show, I'm so impressed by the writing I get psyched out! But I'm halfway through this spec, and I'm going to muscle through to the end. THEN, I'm going to write a whole new spec for the same show. That's what I did for my manuscripts, and the second (I think) is awesome-- especially compared to the first.

4. MAKE WRITING FUN AGAIN. It's supposed to be freeing, a pleasure, and since I've started editing, I've lost the joy.
(RELAX
-- Frankie)

So, for my self-esteem and maybe for yours:

ANYBODY ELSE WRITING ANYTHING THAT'S TOTALLY OUT THERE?

Edward's dead, but Spencer's not as good looking. Stale Mate, I guess

Bella from Twilight and Heidi from the Hills

ARE THE SAME PERSON!

Why's it so interesting to watch a girl debase herself/compromise her entire self-identity for a controlling, weird-ass guy?

Btw, why can't fun observations like that be in fortune cookies? I'd love to crack a cookie open and see an insight like this inside!

I found my friends, they're in my head

Voice is easy, but voices are difficult.

I don't understand the big deal about narrative voice.  Everyone's got a unique way of putting words on the page, just like everybody's got a unique fingerprint.  I only follow two rules:

1.  Sound like yourself.  Sometimes it's fun to get caught up in a super theatrical voice and before you (*cough* read: I *cough*) know it, you've got a whole (condescending) manuscript that's painful to read.  

But your own voice is effortlessly authentic, and you don't need a whole lot of WIZZBANG to make it special.  Didn't you go to the assemblies in elementary school?  You're a unique and beautiful snowflake.  No need for improvement.

2.  When the action heats up, cool the voice down, and vice versa.  The juicier the action, the crisper the tone.  Otherwise everything just gets really confusing or super boring/dry.

The harder you work at your narrative voice, I think, the worse it'll get.  But I'm not so sure how to deal with character voices.

I try to differentiate them, and they all sound theatrical.  I try to make them crisp and authentic, and they all sound alike.  AAACK!  And I used to think dialogue was my strength!

The dialogue is one reason I wanted to give a few manuscript pages to my friends.  Last time my writers' group saw a piece (it was only about four pages long) the consensus was that the characters were hard to differentiate.  Their suggestion was to give each character a out of this world physical trait, so they'd be easier to keep track of, but I knew the problem: though the characters were very different people, they both sounded alike.  

In a long piece with a large(ish) cast of characters, it's tough to remember everyone's vocal tics and way of stringing words together.  I made a cheat sheet, but.... I still don't feel that I've hit it right.

How does anybody else deal with this?