frankie says RELAX

Screw all you people who hate on Lost.  

How could you NOT be effected this week when Jack was freaking out bearded style, Ben was regretful but absolute, and Locke was (f*cking) suicidal?

Seriously, every Locke episode makes me cry.  

Maybe this is why:

"Strong reasons make strong actions" (forget who came up with that... but I didn't) and strong actions make strong T.V.

Because lonely, failure Locke wants so much to be accepted (strong reason), he leaves his beloved island to get back in touch with the "lost" islanders (strong action),  BUT he is rejected by them anyway (strong TV)... and I cry.

Because incompetent, failure Locke wants so much to save the people on the island by getting the Oceanic Six back "home" (strong reason), he will go to any lengths- even death- to bring them back (strong action).  Ultimately, he gets his way (strong T.V.)... and I'm thrilled.

Jeez, just like with Christian on Nip/Tuck, just like Michael on Burn Notice, just like Sylar on Heroes, just like Dean in Supernatural, just like Chuck in Gossip Girl: I'm a sucker who just wants these dumb*sses to be happy!  Please, you jerks, please just BE HAPPY!

But I have to admit that watching them be categorically UNHAPPY makes for good TV :)

CALL ME! Anytime, Anyplace, Anywhere

How much action is too much?  It was kind of my question yesterday, too, but....

I love writing action scenes- the kind where lazy susans and hydrometers and car doors and jeans and ravioli cans become SUPER SCARY WEAPONS.

But someplace after the 1780000839048002380th action scene in the first 200 pages of my novel, I started feeling.... bored.  So I tried to write an emotionally resonant scene, to explain why saving a certain girl is important to the main character.  

THE SCENE IS TERRIBLE.  

So I though- ok, the solution might be to turn the "why is this girl important" explanation into a *REAL* scene, and not just some girl whining.  Also, maybe the problem isn't the number of action scenes, it's that the ones I have don't mix it up enough.  

So, ways to mix up the action scenes- set them in cooler places?

Car (check)

Basement (check)

Kitchen (check)

Dog Kennel (check)

Roadside (check)

Laboratory (check)

No bathrooms yet though.  No SUPER inclosed places.  Which is strange, because my favorite action scene of all time is in a Jason Borne movie (forgot which one) when Jason fights hand-to-hand in an apartment's tiny bathroom stall.  

Right now, I've got no car chases.  Or really, any chases.  And not much running, though quite a bit of pummeling.  That could- and should- change.  

No airplanes (etc) yet either, but that probably (?) won't change (because of the cast of characters- none have access to planes, etc.... unless....hmm)

No really tall buildings.  That probably won't change (because of the setting).

Any other cool places?  What would be the worst place EVER to have to fight?

go BIG or go home

So, I've got these zombies.  And they're attacking lots of people.  But the problem is: how many people should they attack?

(That sounds like it's going to be a tongue-twister.  Peter Piper picked.... anyway).

My instinct is for them to kill EVERYBODY (or, ahem, everybody but the hero, and maybe her dog).  Because.... why not?  They can, right?  

But there's another part of me that says.... well, zombies crawling out of sewer pipes and tearing through hospitals and taking over a news station WHILE the anchors are alerting everyone to the threat is a little.... melodramatic.

I want Die Hard, not From Dusk to Dawn.  Buffy the Vampire Slayer, not 24.  Jurassic Park, not Flowers in the Attic.  You know, fun, not hokey.

BUT WHAT'S THE LINE BETWEEN CAMP AND KICK-ASS?

And Jesus Christ, I just realized that was the subject I chose for my last college paper.  

so much for the after-taste

They say, if half the people in a group love your story, and half hate it, you've done a good job.

REALLY?!  Because I hated a story I read in my group today.  And despite a lot of people saying it was good, I'm still completely convinced it was horrible.  

And, obviously, that they're all insane and WRONG and I'm RIGHT.

I know liking a story is ultimately just a question of taste.  But when it's my taste in question, it feels much more black and white.

turning my brain into bubbling brain fondue

Ok, I love Burn Notice.

Here's why:

- they tell you how to do cool things.  In every act, the main character (in V.O.) explains how to do something like, create a huge magnet/cell phone blocker, blow something up, knock a person out with allergy medication, etc, while a character demonstrates on-screen.  SO COOL.

-Michael (the main character) and his mother have a really sweet relationship, which I love, because I love his mother.  She wears cute old-lady outfits, like bright red T-shirts.  And, she was the Teddy Bear saleslady/psycho killer/Sean's faux agent/Sean's vrai stalker on Nip/Tuck last year (!!!).  AND, she (her character) SMOKES.

Yeah, yeah, booooo smoking.  I don't even expect to see smoking on T.V. anymore!  And if someone does smoke on T.V., they are a) evil, b) clearly not enjoying it.  They always have this shriveled facial expression and a weird way of puffing... ANYWAY.  But Michael's mom is just a regular smoker.  Like mine!

And yeah, I sound like I'm four, but jeez, it's nice to have people on T.V. seem like real people.  ie, characters that live in normal houses.  And eat stoffer's.  And bum rides to things.  And have cars that are ok but that break sometimes.  And smoke cigarettes for the pleasure of it.  And tape up a chair when it gets a hole in it, because they like the chair and really, why get a new one?  And hang around their ex-s and not have it be super duper awkward (because face it, who do you know better than an ex?  why would that be super duper awkward?  unless you're ashamed of something.  in which case: lose the conscience already, would you?) And not have everything be super clean.  And wear comfortable clothes when they're just hanging out.  And use each other, but in the normal friend/family way, not scary ABUSE way (though, lamely, on Burn Notice there is some random ABUSE blah blah blah, but I pretend it's not there because otherwise I like the show so much).

I knew I absolutely loved the show when I was watching it yesterday and in a one-minute scene, Michael's mom fixes her car, psycho-babbles about her husband, smokes a cigarette, puts a stoffer's lasagne in the oven for dinner, and guilt-trips Michael into staying for the meal.  AHHHH. See, THAT is comfort viewing.  And I bet they're having entimen's for dessert.  Or maybe ice cream.  

- Like all the other USA shows, the villains aren't EVIL and the heroes aren't all that heroic.  In fact, everybody is pretty ordinary, albeit most of the heroes have at least one random, extraordinary skill and most of the villains are losers.  (Michael's skill is that he's essentially  very cool-headed and in-the-know.  Sean from Psych and Monk from Monk are both really observant).  I guess USA has cornered the market on totally-normal-except-super-resourceful heroes.  

And, while the villains do bad things- they kill people and rob people and are generally not nice- they're only ORDINARY bad, not Law & Order bad.  DAMN sure not Law & Order: SVU bad!  Or Law & Order: Criminal Intent irrational.  But then, Criminal Intent's criminals are the most self destructive ever, and their motives are always so abstract, and their plans are always so roundabout... but I digress.

I like how USA constructs its detective shows in general, and I like how they construct Burn Notice in particular because- well, let's face it, I'm an all-action girl, and that show's the one with the most action.  And I think Burn Notice does a very good job of balancing the Monster of the Week episode-length-arc with the character development.  

BUT, I do wish they'd improve one thing (ok, two- drop the abuse thing, too): transitions.  They're always really awkward and weirdly long.  Sometimes we just get a little too much time "hanging" silently with the actors after a scene, while they walk to the next place, etc, and sometimes we get weird jump-cuts, and sometimes we get these weird establishing shots of random (RANDOM) things (ie, we'll be going from a parking lot to a house, and we'll get a long, distorted shot of the ocean for our transition.  Why?  I dunno.)  It's not that the show doesn't have strong act-outs (in theory), because it does- I think it's just the editing.  But jeez, it cheapens the whole thing and makes it feel so awkward, and kind of pulls the act-out punch.... and guys, seriously, all you need is to cut away faster.  It's not that the scenes themselves are awkward or out of place.

OR: Angel's transitions always seemed cool to me- they were a bunch of shots that flicked by REALLY fast to kind of creepy sound effects.  Usually the shots would just be various locations, etc, but a lot of the time they were out-takes from or alternative versions of the scene we'd just watched- and that was REALLY cool/creepy.  Like, if a scene had been really heavy, we'd see a super-fast glimpse of the same characters, but playing it happier.  Or, if the scene was super light, we'd maybe get a shot of the same characters, but angry or surprised, etc.  It gave everything a kind of spooky edge. 

ALSO:

As long as I'm going on and on and on about television: Nip/Tuck has been ROCKING.  Last week (2/10), the show had all these strange in-joke feeling moments.  Two that stood out were: when the soap-actor wants to sit in on surgery, only to have a fight with Sean and storm out, while wrestling with his clothes and screaming, "they don't fit!," and when Christian is killed in the script and the soap-actor explains, "I didn't know what to do with his character."

(Which made me very sad, because I think the writers have been doing a FABULOUS job with Christian this season.  SERIOUSLY.  This is as good or better as that time you led up to the has-unrequited-love-for-Sean thing.  Which- cruelly- you never developed... but I digress).

And honestly, I found this past week's episode very touching.  It's strange: when I started watching, I mostly wanted to see Christian get it on, and whatever the hell Matt's CRAZY storyline was.  And for a while over the past couple seasons, since Christian hasn't been getting it on and Matt's storylines have gotten more "realistic," I've felt that the show was seriously slipping.  But this season- Matt's just being responsible and boring!  Julia's gone (yay!)!  Christian's been so introverted!  And it works!  Wow.  

Now, I mostly watch hoping people will be nice to Christian and Sean will get knocked down a peg, and Kimber will show up (because I freaking love Kimber).  

This is the formula I think they need to keep:

Be cruel to Christian.

Shock Sean.

Matt's storylines should be as outlandish as possible.

Kimber should *always* be around.  

And Julia *never* should.

Also, I like Liz pretty well, but I'm not super attached to her yet.  How could they fix that?

How could they make Liz into a *real* character, too?

ALSO:

The Sarah Connor Chronicles is a boring show.  They talk about action a lot, but they don't have enough of it.  And Sarah is *SO* arrogant.  Every time she speaks I want to roll my eyes.  And for God's sake, John, if THAT is your mother, and you have decided to be with her ALL the time, you've made the bed of perpetual single-hood/unhappy girlfriend-hood, and you'll just have to lie in it.  Forever.  THINK about that and repent.  NOW.

But Dollhouse is pretty good.  The stories feel a little bleh to me (last week was an abused child confronting her abuser.  this week was, an abused child has become an abuser and Echo faces him when he tries to abuse her.  can't we just have a heist, or any plot with a *sane* motive?  anything besides psychos?  and crappy childhoods?), 

and some of the acting seems over the top (memo to guy who changes the "dolls'" memories: CALM DOWN.  you make me tense.  you are what they call a "blower."  STOP.) although the guy who plays Echo's mentor is good and the guy who played the psycho tonight was good, too (meaning likable- I don't know shit about acting).  When I look at Echo, I just see Faith, etc, so I can't even really judge. 

But what makes the show good for me: the action.  GREAT fight scenes.  They feel scary, but they're also beautiful.  And well-spaced within the show.  Tension is really good.  I'm not a deep person: those are the things I enjoy :)

What I like: 

Burn Notice: SMOKING.  Nip/Tuck: CANCER.  Dollhouse: FIGHT SCENES.  Jeez, who am I?

Other Pro/Cons:

Burn Notice: 

Pros:  Tone.  Character v. Action balance.  Internal logic- no cheating.  Psycho teddy bear lady.

Cons:  Clumsy transitions.  Clumsy sentimentality (ie, sad father/brave daughter, abuse backstory)

Nip/Tuck:

Pros:  Beautiful, as always.  Total (writer) knowledge of the characters.  Fun, self-mocking (I LOVE that they always say things like: where's my NONFAT yogurt?).

Cons:  No layered story-lines (lately it's been the Christian show).  Cheap tricks/Obvious gimmicks- they're boring (who thought Sean was going to be crippled forever?  or that Teddy would stay?  Or that the little Indian kid would?  or that Matt could hold a storyline about becoming a dr.?  Or that there wouldn't be ENDLESS gender confusion/incest?  And I don't need to see someone changing Sean's diapers to be annoyed with how infantile he is.  I'm annoyed by that every second he's on-screen).

Dollhouse (not really fair because there have only been two episodes, but...):

Pros: Great fighting.  Great pacing.  Cool set.  

Cons:  Can be too "meta." (ie, the super self-aware, super scenery-chewing memory-guy).  Too much blah backstory taking the forefront (last week's ep rested on the "imprint" skill-person's backstory being really destructive, and this week's rested on a psycho-killer threat coming back to haunt the characters.... yawn.)  

FYI:  PSYCHO KILLERS ARE BORING.

Know what's interesting?  THE UNPREDICTABLE.  And evil is very, very, very predictable.  SO PLEASE STOP BORING EVERYONE WITH IT.

The sad thing is:  I'm sure Joss Whedon knows that, and I'm sure the other writers on his staff know that.  So whoever is stuffing his show with BORING SHIT, please stop.  ECHO IS TOTALLY AMORAL- THAT'S WHAT'S COOL ABOUT HER!  So please stop shitting all over the premise of the show by having Echo be a super-cop taking down the baddies.

Ok, now that I've gone on and on and on (and haven't even touched Lost and my newfound love for Ben, or Gossip Girl and how I love all the drippy melodrama, or Supernatural and how it is SO OBVIOUSLY a show about men but made for teenage girls- and me.  I promise not to ever speak of Heroes again, though.  I mean: they get rid of all the women, team up all the dorks, and CLAIR, WHEN YOU GET A REAL PROBLEM CALL ME BECAUSE BEING BEAUTIFUL, IMMORTAL, AND LOVINGLY/SHREWDLY CARED FOR BY YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL/FATHER IS NOT A PROBLEM) so I'd better sign off and come back to those shows later.  

Mr. (Re-) Right

Dean Wesley Smith (author of more than ninety novels, including both original Men in Black books) loves these rules: 

Heinlein's Rules

1.  You must write.

2.  You must finnish what you write.

3.  You must not rewrite unless to editorial demand.

4.  You must mail your story to an editor who will pay you money.

5.  You must keep it in the mail until someone buys it.

On his blog (go read it!), he writes that these rules scare most beginning writers, because they challenge a bunch of self-destructive writing myths.  

Such as: rewriting makes a book better.  

Yeah, I have the most trouble with number three.  1.  Because I write in a scatter-shot, non-chronological way, and I (think I) need to go back over my stories to get them to fit together.  2.  because I don't self-edit AT ALL while or right after I write.  I just try and type everything down as fast as I can.  And I can't believe that the first, random way something comes out on the page is the best I can do.

But apparently that's a rule A LOT of beginners have trouble following, so he gave a few examples of people liking the fresh, thoughtless pieces people knocked off better than the ones they'd made into precious pieces of art.  

And I thought about my own most successful pieces- meaning, the pieces people liked the best.  And actually, most of them WERE things I just scribbled down and got in.  Not just poems or short stories; the essays I got A+s on in college were generally the ones I'd only spent a night on, blasting away.

So screw editing for now.  I'm going on.  And after yesterday's recharge time, I've got a fabulous outline for the thriller, so it'll be that much easier :)

I can't promise that after this draft I'll put the story in the mail... like I said, I haven't been writing chronologically, so there are a lot of expos. things I'll need to clean up, plus things like spelling/grammar mistakes, consistency in how the various characters talk, and changing vocab. a little so I won't repeat the same word OVER and OVER and OVER.

But maybe I shouldn't fret so much, and should trust my instincts more.  Maybe this stuff is easier than I thought :)

Rabbit at Rest

Not that I could ever finished a single book of that series; I read in one of them how the smell of Rabbit's stepsister's period filled the house every month and made Rabbit really horny, and decided not to try to like them anymore.

ANYWAY, I didn't write at all this morning.  Or this afternoon.  I sat around reading Jurassic Park and being as cheerful as possible. 

I had a vacation day because 1. I didn't get called in to work, where I usually end up writing during my free time/lunch.  2.  I just COULDN'T stand to edit.  3.  I got some bad/annoying news and was feeling under the weather.  

But oddly, I don't feel unproductive.  Because sometime around mid-afternoon, my brain started up its brainstorming all on its own.  There's an outline for the last part of my thriller brewing in there, and tonight I'm going to work with it.  

And THAT is the good thing about keeping up a rigorous writing schedule; after a while, your brain and body just settles down to work all on its own.  Just like you get hungry at dinnertime and sleepy at bedtime, at writing-time, you're brain just gets whirring.

It's like I'm delegating the work somehow.  Awesome, huh? :)