Draft 99

I've worked on this story for 10 days straight, and I think I've taken it to the end of the line.

There is still one major plot kink to work out, and I wish my Beta(s) would get back to me about the pacing...BUT I've only got three or four more hours, tops, worth of work left on it.

On the one hand, I'm gutted. This story is maybe the best thing I've ever written, as imperfect as it is, and I don't want to let it go. So I build castles in the air: what if I expanded it into a novel? And I'm becoming very snappish and obnoxious and stressed. In my innermost heart I know that's because I'm nearly ready to say goodbye and send my baby into the world.

On the other hand, I'm so RELIEVED. This story's deadline is Monday, and now it seems it will be done on time (PHEW). There were certainly times when I thought I'd never finish. (And maybe it's better not to count my chickens; I'm not done yet).

But this is the only real fear I've got left: Am I 100% confident that this story will be successful in the way that I need it to be? Any given piece usually receives the reaction I expect. There are certain pieces that I've sent out knowing full well what would happen to them--that they'd get published, get produced, win a prize, etc. A person usually knows when she's produced a winner. I'm not sure if I feel that certainty for this story.

When I wrote it, it felt right. Something about it still seems right--"right" as in: it feels completely *mine.* It feels organic, but polished. It feels like the love-child of inspiration and hard work. Rather, it feels that way to *me.*

The stakes are so high this time, and as ever, my judgment doesn't truly matter. What if this story doesn't connect?